The Spectrum

Yesterday I went to the Good Samaritan Village. I figured to be greeted with the normal gloom that comes with an assisted living facility after having worked in one while I was in high school. Much to my surprise this was not the case. I talked to Kathy the director of activities about what all goes on in the facility. Everyday they have something different from the day before. One of the most popular actives happens to be bingo, but the activities range from beading to volleyball to bowling to baking.. They have movie nights and music. They can go shopping off the clothes rack boutique and have manicures done every other week. Some people see moving into a assisted living facility as the end of their life. It's the place they go to die, but not this facility. It gives the residents a chance to socialize and be papered. These people have had some hard times in their lives, so maybe this facility gives them a chance to live like they never have been able to.
That night I went back to the Salvation Army to help out with Sunbeams. I felt a pang of guilt knowing that I wouldn't be back the next week. Luci though I found her slightly annoying had found her way into my heart with the hold she took on my hand. I was hoping walking away from this experience would be easier than it was, but it took its toll. I remember being told that if I wanted to do something like this I had to have to stomach for it. I took the statement as a challenge, and completed it. This is the reason why even though I was offered a chance to go back I will not be. I do not wish to be seen as one who will come and and just walk away again. That is something that I do not have the stomach for. I know very well that with the wedding coming up this summer along with the foundation that I am building that my time has been slowly diminishing. The kids are one that I won't be forgetting.

Stranded

A two-wheel drive car is not the vehicle of choice in the winter for a NW Iowa resident, but seeing as it is my only choice I was unable and still am unable to make it back to Sioux Falls. Thanks to icy roads and horrible visibility I am stranded. This is the second time I've been stranded due to weather conditions, and now frankly I've decided it's time for winter to be over. Spring and Summer should get here. NOW!!!! I'm hoping that this front will clear out before tonight so I can get back. If not I'm not risking it again. I have no intentions after last nights almost going in the ditch and then almost kissing another car while only making it a 6th of the way back to Sioux Falls. Hope to be out of this house before I get stir crazy.

whirlwind

On Thursday, we went to go have "tea." Well my tea turned into brewed chocolate which turns out really isn't my cup of tea, but neither are tea and coffee. We spent a lot of time talking about grass roots theatre and were given a lot of websites to look like. It was a good time, and the explanation was well used. After getting back to my dorm room I crashed shortly after changing, and woke up to get ready and head to the Washington Pavilion. After walking around the VAC for two hours, a piece of art had yet to capture my attention, but the place as a whole had filled me up. I had a feeling and need to create a painting, drawing, or something myself. This turned out the be an ice sculpture of a rabbit shortly before it crashed to the ground. I left straight from the Pavilion to go home and have dinner with my mom. Shortly after I went on a grocery expedition with my parents. It turns out the grocery shopping wasn't as it was when I lived at home. Now it's pretty much throw whatever in the cart doesn't matter if everyone likes it or not. When we returned, I had enough time to get ready for a night out with my mentor and friends. Chris showed up, and we went out to eat with my mentor and his wife. Then later we were joined by a good friend for two rounds of bowling. After two rounds of bowling it was 9 P.M. and too early to go home, but too late to go to our usual ice cream spot. So we returned to my place and hung out in the hot tub till 2 A.M.. Turns out when we are attempting to get to bed half way on time that means to number one not talking to my dad and number two not to start talking about random things. The whirlwind that has taken over since Thursday night has now calmed.

Nothing to do but wait

Today was a day of nothingness, or so it seemed. I read two book (one for fun one for class). We attempted to work at the Salvation Army but the youth activities were cancelled due to weather. We decided to sanitize the place. Then we came back. Not sure what I learned yet, but I'm sure there is a lesson in there somewhere. I'll let you know when it comes to me.

New Slate

Shame and pain
seem to go hand-in-hand
these days.
I just got out today,
and I try
hold my head high.
No one knows me here,
but it's like they all know
what I've done.
They can't though.
This is like a new start
for me.
I haven't had one
of those in a long time.
I've needed it, I guess.
I got no family left,
so it's a completely fresh slate.
This time my past won't catch up with me.

Today while working at the St. Francis house, I over heard a woman say that this was a new start for her. It make me think. Don't we all need that sometimes. My high school back home was devastated a little over a week ago by a friend taking his own life. I wonder if he had a chance for a fresh start would it have made a difference. I wonder if he ever had the chance. He brought my community back home to it's knees. Yesterday I walked through the halls of my high school and the laughter that was there when I walked the halls was sadly dimmed. Now I walked through the door of a homeless shelter and I find joy and home that each one of those back home should feel. I believe that most of us could use a new start, a blank slate. This slate is given to us every morning when we wake up. We can't change what we wrote in the past, but we can change what we are going to write. We have a chance to ask for forgiveness and have the past wiped away. The problem is are we willing to forgive ourselves to accept the gift that's waiting for us?

Marching On

So, it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day. To the majority of the people I have talked to today they find it to be one of the most pointless holidays of the year. I believe one of the quotes I have received today was, "Yeah the guy did some amazing things, but he's dead. It's time to move on." Seems odd to me when you think that that guy turned a nation upside-down. Today reading some of his speaks (and watching the movie The Princess Protection Program) I realized that it's not about who we are, but about what we can do to better what we have around us.
Theatre for social change is about looking at the world around us, and taking what we see to help better a wrong or change an injustice. In the speech "Our God is March On," it is pointed out that not only is there the wrong of blacks not being able to vote, but it goes right to the heart of the issue. Theatre is used as a tool to speak across barriers just like art. In this case it was the barrier of race that Martin Luther King Jr. was trying to speak across. He stated that the Jim Crow laws were put in place to separate the low class white from the blacks because they were too close. Of course these people were close they were seen as second class citizens in the eyes of the wealthy whites. They also held common goals: to feed their families, keep their pride, and to survive. The speech is a monologue about becoming active to change the world around us. It's exactly what social change is about.

The other speeches I read were: "I have a Dream", "Where do We Go From Here", "Loving Your Enemies", and "Beyond Vietnam."

The Elderly

Today I was back at the Salvation Army helping hand out food to senior citizens with some nice people from the D.O.C.. These nice people also happen to be known as inmates, but they were cool and polite to us. After initially setting up the table that holds the free hand outs from BB&B, we sat down to eat breakfast. Then I handed out some different things to those who needed them. I felt quite useless most of the day, and didn't feel like I had accomplished anything to make anyone's life easier or for the better. Maybe I did I don't know. I just wish I could have done something more. I guess one thing I know I did was bring a smile to some of the inmates faces as I did an impromptu performance of "One" while singing the song. Of course after I noticed that I was being watch I promptly stopped and continued to hum different songs throughout the day. I guess a smile is more than nothing, and I'll take it, but I still wish there was more I could have helped out with.

Looking Back

Sometimes we can learn a lot about who we are and what we are doing by looking back. Not only looking back at our lives but at what the lives of those before us held. Today Liz and I started out with the Pettigrew Museum. I've already decided that I DO NOT want to be like R.F. Pettigrew. To me he seemed arrogant and not at all the person I wanted myself to be. He was a great influential person in South Dakota history, but he's not someone that I want to be. The way that he lived was great for people back in his time, and it is great that we are able to have it preserved, but to me it would be much more meaningful to see the normal persons house of that time and not a rich man's. To me R.F. Pettigrew seemed like a person who wanted to show off his wealth and arrogant. It's not a characteristic I want people describing me as. The one thing that did interest me was the fact that he liked to travel the world. It's something that always interested me.
Which brings me to finishing the first book on the list Tales of a Female Nomad. The book though slow was interesting. I have found new destinations that I now want to travel to, and not just because of their beauty. The food and culture changes interest me the most. It's hard to take in all the things she talked about, but most of them I would like experience. Her life style interested me and if ever the chance come I would like to take it up.
To finish up the day, we went to the Salvation Army to help out with the kids. It was quite a flash back to the past as we roller skated the night away. It reminded me of all the times that my school went roller blading, and just how much I miss trick skating with my friends. I also happen to find out that not every school does a unit in roller blading as part of the PE courses. Actually it turns out that so far it has only been my school. Now I'm thankful for it while back then it was the unit looked forward to the most. I learned a lot today. Most of the things I have learned have been internal and hard to express in words. It's changed my view and emotions in ways that I could never explain. I hope that it continues this way.
Now sitting in my room I'm wondering about some flowers that I received today. They seem to match a anonymous card sent to me back in November. I wish to know who this person is seeing as last week I received an anonymous letter that caused some hurt in the accusing words that ring with false prophecies. I do not know if the flowers and card match the sender of this letter but either way it's a mystery I hope unravel as I continue to change and developed into a better person through the new things I am currently experiencing.

Growing Old

Going to Trail Ridge was quite the experience today. Upon arriving we were greeted and lead to a nice chapel in which they have. After talking to few of the residents of Trail Ridge and being told to tell Kim "Hi," from a Dorthy (I didn't quite catch her last name it was something like Kestelli), Liz and I were asked to stand to be recognized once the service began. I was hoping to be able to fade into the back ground, but that wasn't an option I didn't know that it would be a big deal for a couple of students to be amongst these of a wiser generation. After a few jokes about seeing if there was apartments for us and an offer from the lady sitting on our right to let us stay with with her we sang "Amazing Grace." It may have been a little off key, but it was the second most meaningful time i have ever heard this song sung.(The first being the time it was sung at my brothers funeral.) After a little introduction the note speaker was up. He stated that he was not born till he was 40 years old. Now at first this confused me, but as he started to speak I found that he wasn't born till he was that old because he didn't know what it meant to be alive during life. He chose a path that brought him learning but he didn't take it in. It also happen to be a path that was not so good. after listen to him speak for a while I could relate to some of the things he was saying. He spoke of a treatment place that he put together for alcoholics. Seeing as a really close person in my life struggled with this I became really interested. Then he spoke of how he has educated the public to the disease and how he has helped the families of alcoholics. the programs that he and his wife have set up have given hope not only to alcoholics but to their families as well. They started these projects off of donations and have never needed to turn anyone away. After the speaker was done we had a chance to speak to some of residents again and once more was offered a place to stay and asked to come back again. Then we had a chance to speak to the Chaplin. After a few minute of talking and getting to know each other I felt that this man was a true man of God. He spoke of how the church should be and not how it is. If I take nothing else from this experience it will be that the church isn't meant to be an institution but a place for the broken and discouraged to come and find grace.
By the way I got extreemly good news today. My sister just found out today that she is having her second baby with in the coming year. (Sept.-Oct. sometime) YAY!!! I get to be an aunt again.

Emotion

Sometimes expressing ourselves to other people isn't the easiest thing to do. We wish to make people see the way we do with words, but it doesn't always turn out the way we want it to. With art we are able to have them see things from our perspective, but sometimes the perception is different with people. Some people can look at a piece called "Grace" made up of black, gray, and white swirls and see it for face value. However others can look at the same piece and see a soul at peace. While most pieces done with people in them are taken at face value some can see what it was like in their childhood. Everyone can see different things in a piece of art work. Each piece speaks to some people differently, but speak it does. Some pieces tell a story of pain, sorrow and frustration. Others can tell stories of dreams, peace, and laughter. There are some that don't tell stories at all but a truth about our world. Some show racism, destruction, and manipulation. Others show joy, hope, and light. There are pieces that encourage us to take a walk in another persons shoes, or they try take us down memory lane. Some speak of the past while others show hope for a future. Sometimes we are asked to take another look and see an everyday object differently. Art is not only an outlet for the imagination, but an outlet from life. Looking at a piece of art can take you to another world, or show you something you didn't know about ours. When it comes to looking at a piece of art it can speak to every particle inside you and release every emotion you've ever had. Art isn't about only the artist expressing themselves but show the world what they see in their minds eye.

Thankfulness

There are many things in life for people to be thankful for. Sometimes we forget how good we have it. One of the easies ways to see it is going to a homeless shelter. Sometimes we think that the people in homeless shelter are at the end of their story but the St. Francis House says no it's only their beginning. These people have hit the bottom so they can go any where from where they are. Sitting in the St. Francis House dining room for four hours on end reminded me of the many things I have to be thankful for. Some of these things include health insurance to help pay for the medical bills that I have piled up over the past year. Another thing to be thankful for would be being able to use a phone when ever I see fit. The thing is it takes a lot to set up an organization like this and a lot to set it up. The St. Francis House has a lot of support behind it. It was clear to us as we wrote out thank-yous for almost three hours. I now have a new found respect for those working behind the scenes. The number of card, receipts, and envelopes that need to be address and mailed are great. I'm glad that I got a chance to sit in on the lives of both the residents and works in the St. Francis House.

Being Alive

Everyone's instinct is to survive. Most people would do anything to survive. Usually when thinking about the deadbeats on the street. No where to go pan handling money. What we forget about is that there are people struggling to go on just because the economy is poor, and they can't make it. Tonight working at The Banquet made me realize that it isn't just the deadbeats that need a hand up but the parents working two jobs paying off everything else that they don't have enough money to go pay for food. People who come to eat here range in age from 1 month to 97 years old. Some kids come by themselves, while others come with their parents. I wasn't able to get much talking in with the people who came to eat, but I helped hand out leftovers from breakfast and the day before. It made me realize that several people need the help that can be offered with a simple meal and a few leftovers. I was also able to hand out book and magazines to those who were interested. Some even have their mail sent there because they move so often or are truly homeless. I really enjoyed being able to help those whose instinct to survive brought them to accepting the help that we are able to offer. Maybe that's what being alive is about? Helping those who are looking for a way to live.

The Simple Things

Riding the bus was something that I've never had to do. I live in a small town and if I wasn't allowed to drive I could walk or ride by bike to where ever I needed to go. The bus was never anything more than a way to get to school when it was cold out. Now it's become something more than just a means to an end. While riding the bus today I looked around. Most people on the bus kept to themselves, some looked up to make eye contact for just a second nodded and continued in their own world. A few were regulars probably rode the same route everyday and got to know that the bus driver was from Cali. The bus was like its own little community. It had the kid riding home from school and the business man with this awesome shoes. It included the teenager not caring about the world and the elderly being kind to everyone. Not knowing what to do when I got to the bus stop was a little odd, but the help we got from the lady (who I wouldn't want to get on her bad side) was very helpful to let us know exactly how the city bus worked. I'm glad that I got to see a different aspect of life than what I have ever known. The bus gave me a different view of where I'm spending the college years than what I would have had not seen otherwise.